Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Is He Husband Material with No Savings?

Hey loves, so I got my first question ever from someone on my Facebook and I was quite eager to share it all with you after I replied her. I am no marriage counselor of course, and this question was very random because I never started all those "Ask Gee" kinda posts. So this came as a total surprise to me but I figured I'd throw it your way to add your answers and thoughts to this question asked.

Photo via Save your Relationship

Her Question 
Hi Gianna, since you blog about weddings...could you please tell me if you have a 1st hand experience or know a situation where a couple successfully managed their relationship in a situation where the woman has more money than the man? I am currently struggling in my relationship... the last guy I dated always had this underlying "competition" in his tone when we talk about work....like shoving it on my face that he too is working hard. But now I am dating this guy and since the beginning of this year, he says he has no savings and I am a bit confused...lol... I know money is not everything...but where marriage and life-time commitment is concerned, I beg, how much attention should one pay to these issues? I dream of being a full time house wife...but all the men coming my way these days seem to be attracted based on "working-woman" status. Please advise and pray with me. I appreciate you sis! I trust you are well?

My Response
I don't think it is the end of the world if a woman makes more money than a man; actually there is absolutely nothing wrong with that in my books. The only issue is if the man's ego would allow him treat her well knowing that she makes more $$. Issues like this is all about ego and biblically it is translated into pride which we all know is a sin. A man acting like that is only human (the flesh thinks pride is okay) but if he is a godly man, sound biblical advice should help him see the error of his ways and thought process. In a marriage, I believe both are equally valuable and should have the success of the household as their goal regardless of how much each party is bringing to the table. 

Also I wont put all the blame on the man...some women have this pride thing going on, disrespecting the man because of how much she makes. This also is not right and biblical advice and counseling should be given to such a woman; love should rule in a marriage not pride

In this day and age, many women are leaving the "housewife" tag and heading over to the corporate world, there is nothing wrong with that. I only believe a couple should sit and talk about what they are comfortable with (stay home dads or stay home moms) but with the goal of their family in mind. For instance, if both don't want to be stay home parents at anytime in their lives, who raises the kids? Who keeps the house in order? Apart from one person bringing home the paycheck, someone needs to use the paycheck to keep the home in order. I am not saying it is either or (some super mums and dads manage to do 9-5 and still keep the house in order), I am only implying that these things have to be discussed because the idea of the "work" of running a home/household lies only in who brings the money is flawed. 

Now to the specific question you asked, about your current boyfriend having no savings and all, finance and management of finance is key in any relationship that hopes for a future. I would ask that you find out why he doesn't have savings. It could be for a number of reasons; for example school loans he is paying off. I would not jump onto the conclusion of him not being "husband-ready" but find out the reasons behind the situation. If truly he doesn't understand how to manage finances then I am afraid you need to give him time to grow/learn - and it is okay if you can't wait. But do let him know these concerns of finance management and how you think it is important in any relationship. 

As a christian, always remember to communicate these things in love, being careful with the choice of words you use and praying that the holy spirit leads you in these decisions. 

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What are your thoughts? Got any more godly wisdom for my lady friend? Do share your thoughts about how to address this situation.

2 comments:

  1. I definitely agree with your answer--and for those seeking marriage, it's needed to know about the finances of the other, but a guy without savings at the time could be marriage material. When my husband and I decided to get married, I had more in savings than he did, but he was working full-time and putting every extra cent into paying off his school loans so that we could get married debt-free. He didn't have savings but I knew he was making good choices with his finances.

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  2. Wow, loved your answer. Very thorough, you covered pretty much every aspect. As with all things, give to God in prayer and trust your gut. We all have that female intuition and the Holy Spirit does speak to us. Whether or not we listen is a different question. We try to "reason" our way out of what our gut is telling us, lol. I wish her all the best!

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